Then why do it?  Of course people break up because they don’t get along any more.  Fights, anger, sarcasm and silence, the uncomfortable moments of being together afraid to say anything.  Today, I was on a cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico, day three.  A young couple sat at a nearby table, eating breakfast, neither said anything to each other for 45-minutes.  Finally the man put a fork full of food up to the woman’s mouth where she shook her head and got up from the table.  It’s hard to get away from a bad relationship on a cruise ship.

 
There are skills that are easy to learn to help us explore what we bring to a relationship conflict.  Unfortunately, what most of us bring to the table is what we learned from our birth families.  Four relationship behaviors that tend to increase conflict, not resolve it, kind of like putting gasoline on a fire.  When a conflict occurs we tend to Fight, Flee, Float (avoid) or Fraud (Lie).  Some conflicts will resolve themselves even if we did a lousy job working through them; eventually the sick dog dies, cars get repossessed, family members move away. 
 
Without collaborative relationship skills conflicts generally get worse.  In every case however, you know that it wasn’t teamwork and love that resolved the issue.  Nagging doubts about the benefit of the partnership begin to grow.  If togetherness is only reserved for the good times.  If togetherness falls apart in the tough times.  If there are more tough times and fewer good times, then what good is the relationship?
 
Fortunately, every relationship can benefit from skills; relationship skills you never learned from your parents, church or school.  Simple, proven skills that you and your partner can learn to face the tough times together and actually get closer.  Like any team that implements a new skill they get stronger and closer with every challenge they overcome.  Winning together builds closeness.  Even losing together, if you worked well together, brings couples closer together.
 
Every situation, even eating breakfast on a cruise ship, has the potential for conflict.  You can learn simple, proven processes that you chose as a couple to increase your satisfaction as a couple when conflict occurs.